Hey Poopyface!

"A Moment of Clarity

My husband's birthday was on Tuesday. My kids and I always give him awesome gifts (trio of black socks, ice scraper, fireplace tools), but this year's present was by far the best: we showed up to his work uninvited.

I always try to look my best when I visit corporate America; I feel that it is my civic duty to dispel the myth that stay-at-home moms dress like they've lost the will to live. Sadly, my favorite outfit (stirrup pants + man-sized sweatshirt) was in the wash. However, I did rejoice in the fact that I had a Friends (Season 2) haircut to show off to my husband's colleagues.

I got my hair cut last weekend. My hairstylist agreed to cut my hair into choppy layers if I agreed to invest in a hairdryer and a large circular brush.

"Your hair will look terrible if you don't style it," she warned.

I am what my sons' preschool teacher calls a 'bad listener.'

My kids and I were greeted at my husband's place of employment by an ivy-league business school graduate who runs five miles each morning. She was wearing high heels and a jacket with no arm holes.

"It's a cape," the woman told me.

After herding the kids into my husband's office, I went to the bathroom. When I returned, one of my children was writing "This is boaring" on my husband's dry erase board. The other two were shooting staples into the carpet under his desk.
"Surprise!" we screamed when my husband opened the door. He was happy to see us, but not so happy to find that someone had erased last year's earnings from his dry erase board.

"Sometimes I want to be that," I said longingly, pointing to the supermodels standing around the water cooler.

My husband came home from work later that evening to find me and the kids lying on the sofa, checking our scalps for lice. All of us were wearing some variation of stirrup pants.

"Danielle (one of the supermodels) said something interesting about you after you left," he told me.

I could only imagine.

"She said that she would give anything to have a house full of kids like you," he continued.

I stopped inspecting my daughter's head for microscopic insects long enough to count my blessings.

From a distance, the grass is always greener somewhere else. Despite the manure, I feel incredibly fortunate to be on this side of the fence.

We are all so blessed. "

I read this a few days ago here. I found it completely appropriate, manure included.

This has only happened to me one time before, with Tatum. I totally freaked and acted a bit irrationally. This time I decided to laugh. I actually couldn't stop laughing because my mom was totally dry-heaving. Lincoln had smeared poop everywhere. Face included.

I guess manure makes the grass grow greener!